I thought i was graduating next year, but i'm graduating this year instead. I have an extra english class in my schedual, so my teacher told me i could use tumblr as a grade."So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." -The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
La Dispute- “Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies”
They stored their passion in the creases in the corners of their mouths,
Every angle of light from the open window washed their aged faces out.(Their feelings show in their face when the light shines on them.)
They said, “Should we feel guilty for this sin?
Lord, did we kill a man and woman just to lie here skin to skin?”(Should we feel guilty that we broke our spouses hearts just for this affair?)
“I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy where I was…
What is life without a purpose? What is purpose without love?(They were unhappy with their marriages and do not see the point in a life without real love.)
I pray my children will forgive me, though I bade the river flood.
I have washed my hands a thousand times but still can see the blood. I still can see the blood.”(They pray that their kids will forgive them for tearing the family apart. No matter how much they try to fix things, they can still only see all the mistakes they made.)
“Oh, great mercy, I am here to beg forgiveness for this mess.
I know I tore two worlds apart but I can’t change the way I felt.
Love swept in like a storm and ripped the hinges from the doors.
Love poured in like a flood, I couldn’t stop it anymore. I will not be drowned.”(They want forgiveness from messing up the lives of their spouses who were cheated on, but they can’t change the way they feel. They didn’t mean to fall in love with other people, it just happened and they couldn’t stop it even though they tried.)
She said, “Lover, come and hold me, I am terribly afraid.
While you’re shouting at the stars, my scars are not fading away.”(She wants he lover to comfort her because of the sadness of tearing her family apart, yet he just keeps praying.)
He said, “Darling, I was begging heaven make them disappear, but,
See, I didn’t get an answer or at least one I could hear.(He is praying to find out a way to fix things and make her feel better, but it isn’t helping.)
Now, I am thinking of the past and how we both said vows and lied and
I am wondering how we trust ourselves to say a second time:
‘To have and to hold,
From this day and onward,
For better and for worse,
For richer and for poorer,
In sickness or in health,
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part?’”(He isn’t sure that they should trust themselves to be true to marriage this time, since it didn’t work out for either of them the first time.)
I have no idea what to even put on this blog so i guess i’ll just write random things. I’m listening to 60’s music because that’s just the kind of mood i’m in today. I had a dream a few weeks ago that i met Bobby Kennedy, but then i woke up and realized it was a dream and that sucked. Christina is having her baby May 22nd, so i won’t be in school because her and BJ want me and my aunt there. We’re going to Oneonta today after school to buy them a basinet because they don’t have one yet. My sister is moving back to New York because she can’t find a job she likes in Asheville. She gets back on the 4th. I’m a little excited but we want to kill each other half the time so my aunt will probably come home to us fighting at least a few times. I can’t wait until summer because i’m sick of getting up at 6am. I’m going to miss Jon next year, but other than that i want school to be over. I need to get my wisdom teeth out over the summer too, because all they do is give me problems. I like summer because i usually stay up until noon watching movies or walking around or swimming and then sleep through the day until it gets dark again. I want it to be fall though, for my birthday, and Halloween, and crunchy leaves, and leaf piles, and the smell, and pumpkins, and football.
you’ll never know if wishes work only time can tell.
But if superstitions can give someone faith,
then I’m throwing my wallet and begging for change. — Touche Amore- “Throwing Copper”
Yesterday was fantastic.
Best day of the year so far, by far. Billie Joe Armstrong, the lead singer/guitarist for Green Day, announced on his twitter that they officially started recording yesterday for their new album. I can’t even explain how excited i am for it. I LOVE Green Day. They’re always going to be my favorite band, ever. No matter how many other bands i like or love or are what i mostly listen to, Green Day will always be my absolute favorite. The were the very first concert i ever went to, plus if i hadn’t started listening to them, i probably wouldn’t listen to a lot of the bands i do now. After i started listening to them, i found out about and started listening to a lot of the music i do now. It takes a really great band to have albums that have totally different ideas in them, like Dookie and American Idiot, and have both of those albums be amazing. Dookie is full of more punk vocals and songs about jacking off and American Idiot is a rock opera/concept album that follows the life of a fictional character, “Saint Jimmy”, and has politically charged songs. I just can’t even explain in words how great they are. And i’ve seen A LOT of bands live, and they put on by far the best live show i’ve seen. I can’t wait for this freeking album to come out!
I need a change of scenery. Bad.
I’m going to go crazy if i don’t have a change of scenery soon. I hate living in Delhi. It’s boring. Anything and everything that there is to do around me i either have already done or can’t do for some reason. I’m sick of living in the same house. I’m sick of living with the same people. I’m sick of going to school with the same people. I’m sick of being surrounded by the same people. It’s all way too much routine and too boring. I can’t handle it anymore and it’s driving me insane. I NEED something different. If i don’t graduate in June, i will stay another year. If living with my mom works out. If i don’t graduate in June but i have to keep living where i do now, than i’m not staying. I’ll stay long enough to take my G.E.D. test and save enough money to go to North Carolina and stay with my sister until i have enough money to go to California. I can not deal with the same things and places anymore. I hate it and it’s boring and i’m not going to live a life of mediocrity just because i’m staying in a crappy place i hate because it’s the easiest thing to do.I don’t care if it’s harder to stay with my sister for long enough to save money for California and it’s harder with a G.E.D. than a diploma. I’d rather do that than be stuck in this crappy boring place for any longer. People can tell me whatever they want about if i’ll regret it or not. Maybe i will. But it’s my life so i’m going to do what i want. Not what everybody thinks i should do or wants me to do. I’m sick of doing things to please other people or because i feel like i have to or i’m obligated to. Screw other people. It’s my life, so they can keep their opinions about how i’m making stupid choices to themselves.
I haven’t posted in forever.
I don’t know what to write. I suck at thinking about things to write about, because I can never focus on just one thing or write my thoughts as fast as they come into my head. Uhm. I’m glad me and Dylan are dating. I really hope all this crap works out so that I can have my own apartment next year and finish school. I can’t wait to live in California. I threw out a bunch of stuff last night that I didn’t need anymore because I don’t care about the person it’s from anymore. And this morning I threw out the last thing from him that i have. The past is the past and it should stay there because it does no use to think about it since it can’t be changed. I always over think things and end up starting problems in my mind just because I worry about stupid things. Me, Dylan, and Sam stayed at Sams over the weekend. It was great. I got to be near Dylan all weekend and hang out with my best friend all weekend. Then last night all i did was find and throw out all my old stuff from Joe while listening to music. I listened to A LOT of really old bands. That really has no significance at all, but I needed something to write. And I listened to Levi The Poet and Listener a lot, who are both really great. I’m not religious at all, I think organized religion ruins all the good things that people can get from believing in something. Levi The Poet is Christian, but the music is still really great.
Touche Amore- “Wants/Needs”
With headphones on the streets are silenced. Cars hum along to disrupt the quiet. (You listen to music to escape the place you are.)
You learn a lot about a place, when you see it without a sun. You search for a shred of innocence but realize there is none. (You learn more about a place at night, because that’s when the worst parts of a place come out. You try to find something good about the place, but you realize there isn’t anything good.)
The open gutters, collecting water. The unbreathable air, we’re all aware. (There is nothing good here, and we can all see that.)
You learn a lot about a place, when you see it for what it is. It loses it’s feel of mystery and any hope that it can… Give me a reason not to just start screaming out loud. (When you see how crappy a place really is, you lose the hope that maybe there is something good that you just don’t see, and any hope that you could ever be happy/content there.)
You can’t convince me, What i want and what i need are separate things. (Nothing that anybody says will convince you that the thing you want and the thing you need, are two different things.)
All those distractions they’ll beg us to stay. We’ll give new meaning to running away. (There will always be small things that make you think about staying or people who don’t want you to leave, but you will leave anyway. You aren’t going to leave to “runaway” from your problems, but rather to start a new life somewhere better.)
Overall, i think this song is about wanting to leave a crappy place/town. It seems like the more this person looks at where they are, the more they realize how bad it is. They want to leave, and they also know that they need to leave. They don’t want people to think that they are running away in the normal sense, as in running from problems instead of facing them, but more so that they need to leave this place for something new and better.
Break pretty much sucked.
My brother ruined Christmas. Again. Because that’s what he always does. I put the Christmas tree up alone, after i paid for new ornament with my own money. I put all the Christmas stuff back in the top of our garage after we had Christmas with my cousins on the 26th. While trying to climb down i fell off the shelf and almost broke my knee landing on a huge wooden thing. I got to listen to my family argue constantly. My mother barely paid attention to me even though she was at the house and it had been since Thanksgiving when i saw her last.
The only good part of my break was staying up last night talking to Will. We had almost a three hour conversation about dreams and reality and what we think of the whole “the world will end in 2012” thing. And it was good because we haven’t had a really long conversation like that in kind of a while.
Also, i figured out my plan for after graduation. And i’m not changing it again. If my sister is still living in Asheville when i graduate, i’m going to move in with her for a while. If she is living somewhere else, i’m going to buy a bus ticket to California and leave with nothing other than my money, backpack, and cell phone.
I’m glad i screwed up a lot in Delhi and got sent to boces. If i hadn’t, i would still be failing classes, still be cutting, still hate everything, i wouldn’t be straightedge, i never would have been to a show, i never would have met some of the amazing friends i have now. Getting sent to boces and starting to go to shows are honestly he two best things that have ever happened to me. And without those two things i wouldn’t know Will or Dylan, who are the only two people i have ever met that actually understand me and how i think.
Break pretty much sucked.
My brother ruined Christmas. Again. Because that’s what he always does. I put the Christmas tree up alone, after i paid for new ornament with my own money. I put all the Christmas stuff back in the top of our garage after we had Christmas with my cousins on the 26th. While trying to climb down i fell off the shelf and almost broke my knee landing on a huge wooden thing. I got to listen to my family argue constantly. My mother barely paid attention to me even though she was at the house and it had been since Thanksgiving when i saw her last.
The only good part of my break was staying up last night talking to Will. We had almost a three hour conversation about dreams and reality and what we think of the whole “the world will end in 2012” thing. And it was good because we haven’t had a really long conversation like that in kind of a while.
Also, i figured out my plan for after graduation. And i’m not changing it again. If my sister is still living in Asheville when i graduate, i’m going to move in with her for a while. If she is living somewhere else, i’m going to buy a bus ticket to California and leave with nothing other than my money, backpack, and cell phone.
I’m glad i screwed up a lot in Delhi and got sent to boces. If i hadn’t, i would still be failing classes, still be cutting, still hate everything, i wouldn’t be straightedge, i never would have been to a show, i never would have met some of the amazing friends i have now. Getting sent to boces and starting to go to shows are honestly he two best things that have ever happened to me. And without those two things i wouldn’t know Will or Dylan, who are the only two people i have ever met that actually understand me and how i think.
pocketmonster94-deactivated2012 asked: It's pretty sick that you get to use this as your grade :)
I know! I love it. Even though i kinda suck at focusing on this one haha. And get it confused with my regular tumblr sometimes.
Don’t let people tell you what to do and control your life. It’s YOUR life, not theirs. If it makes you happy, do it. If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t. Jimi Hendrix said one of the best things ever-“I’m the one who has to die when it’s my time to die, so let me live my life the way i want.”
(via i-heard-u-liek-mudkipz)
I love going to shows. Music is pretty much the only thing i care about. When i go to a show i forget all the crap that i’ve been thinking about and everything else. I can just listen to the music and be happy. I usually stand right next to the speakers, unless i’m in the pit. And people who think pits are about being dangerous or violent have it wrong. Yes, you can get hurt. But it isn’t about hurting anybody. It’s about letting yourself feel the music and just let go and release all the angst or hate or confusion or whatever feelings you have. Believe it or not, hitting people in the pit and getting hit relieves alot of stress. And if you fall down, people are always decent enough to help you back up, because they know you’re going to get hurt on the floor.
(via nihilistic-bullshit)
Reblog this if you actually read things people write in their blogs, and don’t just reblog the pretty pictures.
(via i-heard-u-liek-mudkipz)
